The Gifts of Imperfection

I just finished reading Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. As I finished it, I vowed to read it at least once a year. Her message inspires me to take more risks and live more fully—to be very, very alive.

Read it…really.

Below is the paragraph with which she ends the book.

"Revolution might sound a little dramatic, but in this world, choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance. Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You're going to confuse, piss off, and terrify lots of people--including yourself. One minute you'll pray that the transformation stops, and the next minute you'll pray that it never ends. You'll also wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same time. At least that's how I feel most of the time...brave, afraid, and very, very alive."

"Maybe the new strength is understanding our weakness."

Radio Lab, NPR

I let myself touch, again
an ancient grief
and feel the endlessness.

I let myself ponder,
it might not be.

How Bathroom Lines and Therapy are Related

(I have to say, I love that title!)

I was at a conference a couple weeks ago. During the break, I and many other women stood in the line waiting for three stalls. Someone in the front of me remarked that three stalls in a conference center is not enough. I silently agreed.

The next day I was at the same conference and I went into the bathroom again. This time I saw six other stalls.

What? Was I in a different bathroom? Did they magically build the new stalls overnight?

No. What was different was there was no line, with everyone oriented toward just three stalls. (To be fair, the set-up of the bathroom was not optimal and it was not easy to see the other six stalls. Still…)

I realized it would have taken one person to see beyond the spell of “line blindness” and to say “Hey, there are six other stalls we can use.” The line would have moved much faster. We all would have benefited.

Part of my work with families and individuals is to help break the spell of “this is how life works” so they see new ways to view and react to situations. When one person breaks the spell and makes a change, it is lovely to watch that change ricochet through-out the family. (I’m not saying the change is always welcomed by the other members. In general, we are not happy with change, even if it is healthy.)

The bathroom line reminded me of how powerfully our view of reality is influenced by those around us. More importantly, it reminded me of how one person can create a change that can help many.

So there you have it, how bathroom lines and therapy are related. (I am still proud of that title.)

I am one of THOSE PEOPLE

It all started with socks and Birkenstocks.

I admit it—I secretly laughed at those who did not have the sense to put a bag over their head for the shame of such a fashion faux pas as wearing socks with sandles.

One day I looked down at my feet and gasped—I had become one of *those people*. (As I write this I am wearing fuzzy purple socks with my Birks—good grief.)

I also frequently wear the same clothes, sometimes two days in a row. I used to pride myself on all the different combinations I could create. I could go months without direct repetition. I’ve also noticed that I eat more with my fingers, and with spoons. Spearing things with my fork seems like too much trouble sometimes.

I have more and less patience. I have more patience for mistakes made from innocence, or lack of knowledge, or ability. I have less patience for those who consciously choose to behave in a way I don’t think is right. (Apparently, I am not yet old enough to let go of the idea that I know what is best for all human-kind.)

For me, aging is as much about attitude as body changes. I’m quite happy with that belief; I can control my attitudes, but I’m not doing so well at stopping the aging process.

Two or three decades after I felt so sorry for those people who did not seem to care if others disapproved of them, I find I have become one of them.

So, as I walk down the street with my purple hat and Birks and socks, I can look at the young, hip people I see and think “someday, you just might look like me” and smile.

I just had a thought…if I feel this way at 49, how will I act and dress in another 20 years? It boggles my mind.

From my teabag

“When ego is lost, limit is lost.
You become infinite, kind, beautiful.”

Well that sounds cool!

Little Moments of Joy

I’m sitting here in the sun, on a sunny morning in Seattle, with a cup of tea, a bit of Theo’s chocolate, and my cat. A moment of pure joy.

Soon I will head back inside to finish a project that has consumed my week. But for now, I will revel in this moment.

Many of the clients I work with live lives of high stress, especially those who care for relatives with dementia, or who live with chronic health issues themselves. I cannot fix the diseases for them. I cannot change the reality of living with a disease.

What I can do is help them remember what is still meaningful in their lives and work with them to make the space for what is important. It is the small actions we take which help us feel a sense of control, when much of our life feels out of control.

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer. After a long meeting with her doctor she took herself out to a nice restaurant for a lovely meal. She was celebrating herself and her bravery.

When we gift ourselves with those little moments, the good feelings they create spread into the rest of our day, and our lives.

So now I head back inside, to sit in front of my computer. I take the feeling of my moments in the sun with me.