Little Moments of Joy

I’m sitting here in the sun, on a sunny morning in Seattle, with a cup of tea, a bit of Theo’s chocolate, and my cat. A moment of pure joy.

Soon I will head back inside to finish a project that has consumed my week. But for now, I will revel in this moment.

Many of the clients I work with live lives of high stress, especially those who care for relatives with dementia, or who live with chronic health issues themselves. I cannot fix the diseases for them. I cannot change the reality of living with a disease.

What I can do is help them remember what is still meaningful in their lives and work with them to make the space for what is important. It is the small actions we take which help us feel a sense of control, when much of our life feels out of control.

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer. After a long meeting with her doctor she took herself out to a nice restaurant for a lovely meal. She was celebrating herself and her bravery.

When we gift ourselves with those little moments, the good feelings they create spread into the rest of our day, and our lives.

So now I head back inside, to sit in front of my computer. I take the feeling of my moments in the sun with me.

The Teeter-Totter of Love

My friend asked me “How are you today?” I answered, “I’ve been sending myself a lot of love this week.” He responded “That makes me want to give you a hug.” I smiled…”That’s how it works, doesn’t it?” He laughed and said “Yes it is!”

Isn’t it funny that when we are feeling most needy for love, it is either fleeting or simply not there? And when we are feeling good and like ourselves, others respond in kind?

It seems like a cruel trick. I think it is brilliant.

Every time we yearn for another’s love, or affection, or approval, it is a signal from ourselves that we are not giving love to ourselves. How can we expect something external to fill what we cannot?

I’ve tried, believe you me. I have, and still am at times, learning this the hard way.

Love from others can certainly help. When someone I love gives me a compliment, or a hug, or pledges their undying love, I get a big boost, have no doubt about that. Yet I know that those boosts could disappear.

Depending on love from the outside is like a teeter-totter—if the other person bails, we come down hard on our butt, unless we have our feet underneath us.

Every time we give ourselves love, when we are happy with ourselves, and especially when we are disappointed in ourselves (especially then) we are building up the ground beneath our legs, or our legs, whichever metaphor you prefer.

It is then we can play the game of love with freedom. The game of our teeter-totter life is more fun because we can push ourselves higher—knowing we will still land—most of the time not on our butt.

How would it be?

This music video gets at the heart of what being a therapist, and indeed, life, is all about for me. I am posting it in honor of my 49th birthday and how I choose to live life, continually asking the question--"How would it be?"

With deep gratitude,
Jane/BG

"It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage and beautiful country lives in between."

~Diane Ackerman

The Gift of Grasping

When a part of us wants to grasp onto love, that part is showing us we can love ourselves more.

My Heart Burst

Today I just got to hold a little six week old bundle of love.

It feels odd to feel so full of gratitude to hold a child as I commence on my journey to write a book for women over 40 who did not have children. My friend (the new mom) took my picture as I snuggled my cheek against the head of her son. Her comment—“You look so maternal!” I felt maternal.

Odd again.

I found myself full of wonder at this little being and profoundly happy to be in his presence. And just yesterday I was feeling grateful that I could choose to take a nap instead of having to take care of kidlets. Literally, I was just thinking that thought the day before my heart burst.

Both/and.

Not even 24 hours after I was feeling so happy to have the freedom to make decisions based on my energy level rather than the needs of a child, I witnessed the gift of an open heart an infant brings. I felt like Kathy Perry’s video, where fireworks are coming out of her chest.

(I highly recommend watching this video, it brings a smile to my face every time.)

I found myself feeling almost guilty at how happy I was to hold the baby. How could I write a book about meaning beyond motherhood if I could go so ga-ga over a baby?

Luckily, I decided that thought was silly.

Life certainly is more interesting when we can hold the both/and instead of the either/or.

The Paradox of Grasping

Grasp onto only what you want to fly away. Test this with any cat or teenager.