Chicken Soup for the Whole

Wholeness. That's it. That is why I run my groups for women over 40 without children. I lead those groups as a pathway for women to see themselves as complete and whole.

Complete whether or not they have children. Complete whether or not they have partners. Complete whether or not they have jobs, friends, a house, a degree, whatever it is by which we judge our wholeness.

The 7th group for women over 40 with out children started yesterday, on the Martin Luther King Holiday. A couple of the women mentioned the freedom they have in their lives because they don't have children. They gave thanks for the freedom they have as women, freedom our foremothers didn't have.

To see ourselves as whole, regardless of our external or internal circumstances is freedom--perhaps the greatest freedom we can have.

"The heart of authenticity is the courage to be vulnerable."

~Brene Brown

"There is a peaceful relief when judgment and criticism are abandoned because they cause constant unconscious guilt as well as fear of retribution."

~David Hawkins

"When we hold another in our memory as we knew them,
we stop ourselves from seeing them anew."

~Love Moore

Peace begins with a smile

~from Michael Franti's t-shirt

“You’re weirder than I am!”

“That is my job” I replied. I realized when my client made the weirdness comment, that my job is to be weirder than my clients. Let me put it another way—my job is to help people push the boundaries of what is “normal” for them.

“Normal” behaviors and thought patterns are no longer working for my clients, or they wouldn’t be in my office. I help them move out of their comfort zone, to find new ways of thinking, feeling and acting in the world. Which means I have to be able to push my limits of normal. (See the previous post.)

A therapist cannot take their clients where they are not comfortable going themselves. So I took my client’s comment today as great praise. Thank you!

My summer vacation (sort of)

This summer was one of the most intense times I have ever experienced.

For me, one of the responsibilities of being a therapist is doing my own work of examining the beliefs and patterns that get in my way, so I can be clear with my clients’ issues. Well, this summer I went into it whole hog, as it were. This last weekend, in particular, reminded me of what it is sometimes like for my clients.

There are times when we see the thoughts and behaviors that we want to change in their full glory. We do the work to become acutely aware of how often we think and do the things that cause us pain—and we don’t yet have the tools or knowledge to make the changes we desire. It can feel overwhelming, to put it mildly. We can feel hopeless, weak and incompetent.

It is these times that I get most hopeful as a therapist because I see the absolute courage of my clients as they face what they have avoided. This is when change is most possible.

These are the times we need to know we are not alone and we are lovable, even with our imperfections at their most prominent.

This summer and last weekend, I was reminded of the fear, the hopelessness, and the need for connection and reassurance as we go through the process. I was also reminded of the strength of hope, and the power of moving through fear to get to the joy of change and self-compassion.

My clients who choose to see themselves in all their imperfections *and* perfections inspire me to continue my work with them and with myself. To you I give my gratitude.