"Do not fight against pain; do not fight against irritation or jealousy. Embrace them with great tenderness, as though you were embracing a little baby. Your anger is yourself, and you should not be violent toward it. The same thing goes for all of your emotions." ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Unconditional Love is so unconditional that it even embraces our failure to Love unconditionally. ~Audrey Lou Chambers

"Problems", big or small, are opportunities to make a change. It is fascinating how we keep getting presented with the same problems, again and again, until we make the choice to change.

Thank you, dear one…

My beloved cat, Coda, died last year. While I experienced great sorrow, his death (as did his life) has given me great gifts.

Coda came into my life 14 years ago, during one of the most difficult times of my life. He was a constant loving companion. I could always count on his presence to bring me comfort, or to simply increase the joy I was already feeling.

I was scared about how I would handle his death, and it turned out to be mind-blowingly painful. Yet in letting myself feel the pain, without trying to stifle it, or to judge myself for it, I received profound gifts.

People came out of the woodwork to do what they could to ease my pain. It is not easy to see someone you love in such grief. Yet they offered to walk with me a little to give what comfort they could. Bless their souls.

I realized that the pain in my heart I felt because of my cat’s passing, was simply the loss of being able to love him. The love we feel for any person or creature we have lost is OUR love, and cannot be taken away. That love is ours, and we can choose to give it to ourselves.

I truly believe when our hearts are broken wide open by a loss, we can let love, including our own, in deeper. Quite a gift indeed.

Even in death, Coda continues to open my heart. Thank you my furry little buddy, from the depths of my soul.

Thought for the day...

How can we attempt wondrous things if we don't allow ourselves to fail?

When you face something dreadful, send love
because it is the lack of love that created it.

~Patricia Sun

Being Real

A theme that has been coming up in my sessions lately has been about choosing to be authentically who we are versus being what we think others want us to be.

Last week a client told me something she has not told anyone else. In fact, it contradicted something she’d said earlier in the session.

I said “I’m so glad you told me.” She didn’t believe me. What she told me, she felt, put her in a less favorable light. Wouldn’t I rather hear what she was doing “right” rather than where she was “failing?”

I responded that I would rather know who is she really is versus who she thinks she should be. That is when the best therapeutic work is done. When clients are brave enough to show who they really are, I am thrilled.

First, it shows great courage to let others see us. It means we trust ourselves enough to know we will be ok, even if others disapprove. It is an act of faith in ourselves to be able to disappoint others in order to be true to ourselves.

Second, I believe we do our best work when we are able to see all of ourselves, and what we are capable of, good and bad.

I remember when I was struggling because I was really, really, really, letting myself face my fears and weaknesses. I call it my “dark night of the soul.” I was talking to a friend, and I was questioning if I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t happy, and I certainly wasn’t always happy with what I was seeing in myself. (That, by the way, is the understatement of the year.)

She told me something I will never forget. She said “You’ll get through this, but you already have a gift you didn’t have before.” I said “Really? What?” She said, “You are more real.”

She was right. I was more real, with myself and with everyone else. And the wonderfully strange thing was, even though I felt miserable with what I was going through, I also felt loved—loved by others and by myself. Loved for who I really am, not for who I thought I should be.

Curious Paradox

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

~Carl Rogers

If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time...
but if you have come here because your liberation is bound with mine,
then let us work together.

~ anonymous Aboriginal woman

Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It is a conversation between equals.

~Gregory Boyle