Today I realized I was furious that I am getting older. To be more precise, I was furious that my body shows the signs of getting older. I also realized I was jealous of younger women and of women my age who look younger than I look. Ick.
Those are not pleasant feelings, my friends. Yet I have them.
As I sat there, trying not to quash my feelings, but to simply hold them, a question came to my mind—“What do I do with these feelings?” I can’t act on them. What would I do, go around to all the women I perceive as more beautiful than I and tell them to stop their beauty? The mere thought makes me laugh. Besides, they are likely having the same feelings about other women. I can’t pretend I don’t have the feelings and the fear behind them. The farther I get into this work the more I see how futile that is.
The question remains, what do I do? Then came the answer.
I live.
I live knowing that this lifetime is not endless; my aging body shows me that. I live knowing how precious life is, because one day I will die. I live the absolute beauty of life.
I recognized all the signs of aging I hate—the thinning skin, the circles under my eyes, the graying hair, the various joint and muscles ailments—all are signs of my amazing life—the life with which I have already been gifted, and the life I have yet to explore.
Now, instead of looking at my wrinkles in disgust and fear, I have the choice to see them as reminders of my cherished life, and have my eyes, and heart, fill with gratitude.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Ok, I’m writing a book
Those of you who don’t know me are probably not picking your jaw off the floor, as my friends likely are. After all, my motto in college was “writing is the bane of my life.”
Then I went on to get a Master’s (with a dissertation-length thesis.) Apparently, not yet having had enough of my bane, I pursued a PhD. I even published research articles after I got out of school, bitterly complaining about how much I don’t like to write the entire time I was doing all this writing. Just wacky.
So you may ask, “Jane, why then, are you writing a book?” That is a fabulous question!
Because I am excited about it. Because people keep saying “you should write a book.” Because the women in each group I run continue to inspire me with ideas. Because it is time to let more women know and benefit from the work I do.
So, periodically I will post blogs asking questions, soliciting stories, and checking out ideas. I may even gripe about my wacky decision to write a book.
Just giving you a heads-up, dear reader.
Then I went on to get a Master’s (with a dissertation-length thesis.) Apparently, not yet having had enough of my bane, I pursued a PhD. I even published research articles after I got out of school, bitterly complaining about how much I don’t like to write the entire time I was doing all this writing. Just wacky.
So you may ask, “Jane, why then, are you writing a book?” That is a fabulous question!
Because I am excited about it. Because people keep saying “you should write a book.” Because the women in each group I run continue to inspire me with ideas. Because it is time to let more women know and benefit from the work I do.
So, periodically I will post blogs asking questions, soliciting stories, and checking out ideas. I may even gripe about my wacky decision to write a book.
Just giving you a heads-up, dear reader.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Judgment and Freedom
The other day I found myself making judgments about others and about myself for having those judgments. I considered what it would be like to live without judgments.
I had no idea.
A little while later I was struck with this idea—if I no longer felt the need to judge anyone, including myself, I would be free. Free to simply live and make choices (and to live with the consequences of those choices).
Then I started to cry, and to laugh, at the enormity of that freedom. I am still a bit awed by the possibility.
I had no idea.
A little while later I was struck with this idea—if I no longer felt the need to judge anyone, including myself, I would be free. Free to simply live and make choices (and to live with the consequences of those choices).
Then I started to cry, and to laugh, at the enormity of that freedom. I am still a bit awed by the possibility.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Compassionate Choices
I’ve been thinking a lot about what gives life meaning. For me, friendship and experiences help remind me of what is valuable.
Last week I introduced two (way cool) friends of mine, and we had a delightful conversation that covered a myriad of topics. Then I trotted over to a concert by Peter Himmelman http://www.peterhimmelman.com/home.html who I’ve been seeing in concert for at least 15 years. Every concert is different and, funnily enough, most of his songs are about what makes life meaningful.
I’ve been talking with some clients about the power we have to choose the focus of our thoughts. There are many things I would like to have in my life that are not currently part of it. I could absolutely focus on those, and see all I am missing.
I could also choose to focus on all the aspects of my life that make it rich. There are many, both big and small. Nights like the one I mentioned above make that choice effortless.
We always have the choice to see the good in any situation, even when it is not so easy. I think the trick is to understand we have the option. Just as important, though, is the ability to have compassion for ourselves when we don’t make the choice to see the positive.
Compassion, though, will make future choices a little bit easier, I promise.
Last week I introduced two (way cool) friends of mine, and we had a delightful conversation that covered a myriad of topics. Then I trotted over to a concert by Peter Himmelman http://www.peterhimmelman.com/home.html who I’ve been seeing in concert for at least 15 years. Every concert is different and, funnily enough, most of his songs are about what makes life meaningful.
I’ve been talking with some clients about the power we have to choose the focus of our thoughts. There are many things I would like to have in my life that are not currently part of it. I could absolutely focus on those, and see all I am missing.
I could also choose to focus on all the aspects of my life that make it rich. There are many, both big and small. Nights like the one I mentioned above make that choice effortless.
We always have the choice to see the good in any situation, even when it is not so easy. I think the trick is to understand we have the option. Just as important, though, is the ability to have compassion for ourselves when we don’t make the choice to see the positive.
Compassion, though, will make future choices a little bit easier, I promise.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Blessing of not Being Chosen (just in time for Valentine’s Day)
Life is rife with possibilities to not be chosen.
Rejection, maybe.
Opportunity, definitely.
Each time we are not chosen, we have the opportunity to choose ourselves.
Rejection, maybe.
Opportunity, definitely.
Each time we are not chosen, we have the opportunity to choose ourselves.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A sure-fire way to know something brings joy and meaning to your life
When you are so busy, you can barely see straight, and someone proposes something to you, and you immediately say “yes!” without a thought. (At least, without a thought before speaking…you may have many thoughts afterward.)
This happened to me the other day. A neighbor and I were chatting outside. She asked me if I was free for coffee on Friday. I responded “yes!” almost before she finished the question. Now, just half an hour earlier, I was thinking about everything I was going to get done Friday morning, and how it really wasn’t enough time. Yet I found myself willy-nilly giving away a precious hour or so of that time without a second thought.
Later, during my second thoughts, I asked myself, why I did that. I realized that to me, connecting with people is one of the most meaningful activities in my life. (Being a therapist is *such* a perfect job for me.) It is so much more fun than the paperwork I was planning.
Does this mean we should *always* say yes when offered something that brings us joy? I will leave that for you to answer. What I know, is that if I ever wonder if my life is meaningful, I have an interaction as simple as a cup of coffee with a friend to give me my answer.
This happened to me the other day. A neighbor and I were chatting outside. She asked me if I was free for coffee on Friday. I responded “yes!” almost before she finished the question. Now, just half an hour earlier, I was thinking about everything I was going to get done Friday morning, and how it really wasn’t enough time. Yet I found myself willy-nilly giving away a precious hour or so of that time without a second thought.
Later, during my second thoughts, I asked myself, why I did that. I realized that to me, connecting with people is one of the most meaningful activities in my life. (Being a therapist is *such* a perfect job for me.) It is so much more fun than the paperwork I was planning.
Does this mean we should *always* say yes when offered something that brings us joy? I will leave that for you to answer. What I know, is that if I ever wonder if my life is meaningful, I have an interaction as simple as a cup of coffee with a friend to give me my answer.
On Gratitude and Fireballs
I went to a talk on creative aging last spring. An audience member asked how the speakers how to cope with those “dark night of the soul” moments. One of the presenters gave a very simple answer—give thanks. More specifically, he said he starts each day with a practice of gratitude. When he wakes up, he tries to make his first thoughts ones of thanks for whatever the day will bring—a powerful practice.
Here is one reason why. When we are happy, we are more likely to remember happy memories. When we are depressed, sad memories are more easily accessible. That is how the brain works; memories are more easily accessible when we are in the same mental state as when the memories were created.
Starting the day with gratitude makes it easier to access thoughts of gratitude throughout the rest of the day.
On a related note, another presenter I recently saw, John Erdman http://www.ideal-companies.com, said he starts each day by jumping out of bed, putting his hands in the air, and shouting “I am a fireball!” It revs up his entire day.
I tried it. The first day was a pretty pathetic attempt. The second day was a bit less dismal. Now I have quite a bit of fun jumping out of bed.
You can try your own experiment. Start each day with thanks, with fireballs, or with both. See how your day progresses. If you try the experiment, let me know how it works.
Here is one reason why. When we are happy, we are more likely to remember happy memories. When we are depressed, sad memories are more easily accessible. That is how the brain works; memories are more easily accessible when we are in the same mental state as when the memories were created.
Starting the day with gratitude makes it easier to access thoughts of gratitude throughout the rest of the day.
On a related note, another presenter I recently saw, John Erdman http://www.ideal-companies.com, said he starts each day by jumping out of bed, putting his hands in the air, and shouting “I am a fireball!” It revs up his entire day.
I tried it. The first day was a pretty pathetic attempt. The second day was a bit less dismal. Now I have quite a bit of fun jumping out of bed.
You can try your own experiment. Start each day with thanks, with fireballs, or with both. See how your day progresses. If you try the experiment, let me know how it works.
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