What NOT to Say to someone with Alzheimer’s

If you stop saying these things to a person with a dementia like Alzheimer’s, your struggles with communication and behavior problems will reduce.

1. Never say, “Do you remember me?
   This immediately says to the person, “I’m testing you” and they will get nervous and fail. Instead say, “I’m Jane, the therapist” or “I’m Susan, your daughter.”


2. Never argue.
   Arguing makes them dig in their heels. Instead agree or ask questions “Yes, this winter (even if it’s August) sure is hot.”
   


3.  Never try to reason
   They literally can’t reason like they used to before the dementia. It won’t work like it used to, or like you want it to. Instead give choices “Do you want to eat lunch now or in ½ hour?”
   


4. Never say “You are home”
   They have gone back in time and they are referring to a home they lived in long ago. Instead, validate their feelings, tell them they are safe and/or ask their favorite thing about their home.
   


5. Never say “I told you…”
   When you say this you are saying “You are a moron who can’t remember things.” Instead, simply repeat what you’ve already said a gazillion times before.

So try these and see the difference!

If you are struggling with a family member with a dementia like Alzheimer's give me a call at 206-769-8108 and I can help you walk through the disease.

"The only appropriate response to vulnerability is reverence"

True.

I was recently at another training for my favorite mode of therapy--CIMBS, and someone said this quote.  Sadly, I don't know whose words they originally were. 

If you want to find out more about CIMBS, go to http://www.complexintegrationmbs.com/

More Pema Chodron--HOW TO DEFEAT FEAR

Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave instructions for the battle.

The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?”

Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.”

Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?”

Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.”

In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear.

(From The Pocket Pema Chodron)

I'm In the Media!

I am pleased to say that a company for which I used to work, Screen Inc., which developed a computerized screening measure for mild cognitive impairment, was mentioned in Newsweek.  The name of the measure is the CANS-MCI.  I published the article which Newsweek says established their reliability and validity


To view the article, go to: http://www.newsweek.com/id/236293

It is fun to touch base with my academic background every once in awhile!

From Pema Chodron...words to live by.

"When we start to meditate or to work with any kind of spiritual discipline,we often think that somehow we're going to improve, which is a subtle aggression against who we really are. It's a bit like saying, "If I jog I'll be a much better person." "If I had a nicer house I'd be a better person." "If I could meditate and calm down I'd be a better person." Or the scenario may be that we find fault with others. We might say, "If it weren't for my husband I'd have a perfect marriage." "If it weren't for the fact that my boss and I can't get on, my job would be just great." And, "If it weren't for my mind, my meditation would be just excellent."
But loving-kindness ~maitri~ towards ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of anything. Maitri means that we can still be crazy, we can still be angry. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already."

from Comfortable With Uncertainty

A Simple Way to Help

A quote from a movie I saw "God's only requirement is that you let others know they are not alone." How simple. How profound. How easy. How difficult when we don't know it ourselves...how healing to know it ourselves, because we let others know.

Life Learning

When I was in graduate school, getting my PhD, I read a study that found that college students could be as beneficial to clients as could people with Masters and PhDs, no matter what type of field of therapy studied.  At first, I was pretty disheartened, even a little pissed-off.  After all, I was spending 10 years of my life gaining the wisdom to help others. 

Then I realized, it in not the theories, the techniques, or the letters behind my name that help others in their path through life;  It is the willingness to walk my own path, feel my own pain, and joy, that helps me sit with others.  I learned (and am learning) to be with myself, whatever I am experiencing, so I can be with others, so they are not alone. 

These wise words from Jeff Brown www.lifewithoutacentre.com reminded me of what I began to get a glimmer of in grad school.


BUDDHAS NEXT DOOR

Some of the greatest therapists and healers I've ever known have no diplomas, no qualifications, no letters after their names. They have written no books, and you won't find them being interviewed on TV chat shows. But they are so effortlessly compassionate, able to listen deeply without prejudice, willing to hold the most intense energies in their unshakeable presence. With their loving attention, the unacceptable can move into a space of acceptance, traumatic material can re-emerge without shame, the darkness can come into the light, be felt fully and integrated in a space of safety and kinship, without fear. They are as comfortable with silence as they are with the most heart-breaking personal stories. There is no sense of "I am the expert with all the answers", no image of themselves as the great saviours of mankind or enlightened gurus. These unknown, undiscovered Buddhas are the therapists and teachers of the future, humanity's hope, and they may not even know it. 

- Jeff Foster